Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Forever Daddy's Baby Girl

As I mentioned before in an older post "sad day" I was optimistic about my dad's future as I knew his health would slowly deteriorate from the recent chemo therapy. As I read my old post over and over again, it is now so clear that I knew this treatment wouldn't work but yet I still sat and held on with every strength of hope and faith that I could possibly have. I now simply realize that Heavenly Father was trying to get through my thick head and prepare me for one of the worst days I would experience in my life. On February 23, 2009 (the day before our 2 year anniversary & 3 days before our Bahama cruise)my sweet husband was not his usual self. Tim is always so happy, full of jokes and always smiling...I knew something was wrong. As I kept to my work (those of you who don't know...Tim and I took over the family daycare so my mom could spend some quality time with my dad, and so Tim and I could turn the place around and put some peeps in their place)running back and forth across the center something didn't feel right. When answering the never ending ringing telephone, I was surprised to hear that it was my little 14 year old sister. As we said our quick hello's Melody sounded very concerned and had asked me "why are there so many cars at the house?" (her school is across the street from my parents home) I simply said "oh, they must just be visiting daddy." Dad was taken to the hospital on Sunday February 22, 2009 after pleading with my mom to take him because something was very wrong! Dad had been very confused, he couldn't carry on a full conversation let alone a sentence. He would start speaking fine and then end up speaking complete gibberish! After going out to a movie (a typical Saturday with my parents) it became very clear that dad had not a clue what was going on! He couldn't walk up the theater stairs without falling, nor could he open the door without stumbling across the lobby. I was scared. After spending most of the day at the hospital and running several tests on my dad, the Dr.'s concluded that everything was OK, but encouraged us to call dad's Oncologist first thing Monday morning. I didn't want to hear that he was OK, because he wasn't!! I spent the long night on my knees pleading with the Lord to "make my daddy better"! The following day at work I was ready to run out the door on my lunch break to go pick up an Anniversary gift for Tim. I got to the desk to say bye to my hunny,when I had quickly asked him if he had heard why there was so many people at my dad's house. Tim had said "your mom will be over in a while to talk to you". I instantly freaked out saying.. "is my daddy OK?" "Is he dead?" "Why are you not telling me!?!?!" "What the hell is going on!?" Tim in his very loving voice asked me to go for a walk, I refused of course as I started getting extremely upset, he asked if I would go for a drive with him. Refusing again, he finally gave in and said "alright let's go into the office". I walked in and I should have sat down. Tim, who had tears running down his cheeks simply said "your mom talked to dad's Oncologist today and........I'm sorry baby, but your dad only has 2-3 months to live". I lost all feeling in my legs and dropped to my knees crying like I have never cried before. Hysterical, I cried and cried and cried. Re' (my older sister) was in the other room came rushing in to my side asking what was the matter. I cried harder. Nothing could make it better. Nothing. As I continued to cry, my mom showed up and being the amazing mommy she is, she pulled me to my feet and held me. She is so brave! Not even a tear, just her strength and her encouraging words whispering into my ear "it's going to be alright, we will be OK and daddy will be OK". What!?! My mom never ceases to amaze me on how strong she is. She is amazing. I was still crying, my heart hurt. She calmly lead me out to the car to go see dad.
I walked into my parents house trying to find "some" strength, it was when I saw his humbling face, I lost it! Embracing my mom I whispered "I can't do this! I can't!". After a few deep breaths, I walked over and put my head on my daddy's chest. I was overwhelmed with the love & the peace we shared. I stopped crying the instant I heard his heart beating and was instantly comforted. The rest of the day was very overwhelming and most of it is still a blur, however the spirit that I felt so strong when I embraced my dad is still with me. I don't know how I am getting through each and every day. Working over 10 hours a day running a Daycare Center, so I can continue to help provide the quality time mom and dad need, and to help my sister Re' cope and to spending each afternoon with dad. I can't help but wonder, why am I doing this? Will I regret this? Why can't I spend my days with my daddy? It is then, when I know why!! Daddy knows that I am the strong one, and he believes in me! He knows that I will be OK and that I...Gia...will be forever in his presence in which he will lead me and guide me each and every day. He is going to take care of me! What a blessing to know that daddy will always be with me. He will never leave me! Daddy will always be there no matter what, all I need to do is stay strong and hold on to the Gospel, and have faith. It is going to be tough and I know it is only going to get harder. The worst is yet to come. Like my daddy said "it's only temporary baby girl, it's only temporary". Dad is sacrificing his life to help his family grow, to be stronger and to follow thy Gospel. I know this is to be true! He has fought so hard for the family to be together forever...for eternity! That is all dad has asked of his children, and I am happy to say...I'm ready daddy, let's go get sealed! Hopefully in the next few weeks we will be sealed as a Eternal family and I will also be sealed to my wonderful husband for Time and all Eternity on the same day so my mom will have us to celebrate with! I love you daddy. You are my superman, my strength, my best friend. For now I will cherish each and every moment we will share together. All I ask of you daddy is to first give Ryan a big hug for me and then to play lots with my babies and send a part of you with them as you kick them out of heaven to be with us...lead me and guide me and I know you will be waiting for that wonderful day when we are together again. I love you daddy and I will forever be your baby girl.


Emily said...

What a sweet, heart felt post. I can feel the love you have for your daddy, Tim, your whole family, and the Gospel as I read your written words. Keep being strong but don't hesitate to mourn the way that feels best for you at the moment. - Keep those tissues handy! Aren't we glad we have the gospel to give us strength and hope when we need it most? And aren't we blessed to know that families are forever?!!! We love your whole family and are praying for all of you through this difficult time...

Anonymous said...

Gia, I wanted to email you or call, but I really don't know what I could say. I wish I could make the ache better. I wish I could have been there for your sealing - I'm SO glad we could send Phil. Gosh, I love you. I know I'm a dork, and I'm pretty awkward to be around, but I love you and I'm SO proud of you. I wish I could be there to hug you. I don't think I could say anything at all. Your daddy is a great man - and he has a pretty great daughter. It's forever, Gia. Nobody knows that better than you. I've got a new hero on my list of people I want to grow up to be like. (Two, actually: you and Tim). Love you,